The wind battered my face at the top of the mountain and I smiled. For, I could handle this sort of battering. What I was going towards was far safer than where I came from. Here, I breathed in uncertainty and fresh air.
Down there, there was certainty – oh, yes…but certainty that reeked of the stale sweat from the gym clothes he wore to build his ego and his muscles into the armor of his narcissistic body and mind. Certainty reeked of passionate days and terrorized nights. Certainty reeked of the kindest words I’d ever heard, and the most painful.
But now, standing here on top of this mountain, I could see the weakness of it all. I could do anything. I was never going back…fully.
I might stumble in the days to come. I might see him again, and engage in one last tête-a-tête but I would never go back.
Not fully.
And this is where I started to become my own super hero. This is where I began to prove to myself that I was worthy. This is where everything changed sharply – on the top of the Californian mountain in my rented car where no one knew where I was.
I would never see him again, but I would go back. somewhat..but not fully.
It wouldn’t be until the community banded together to snap me out of this made-up dream that I could truly stand alone.
But for now, this marked a significant turn, and I was going to breathe into it with uncertainty.