I made a commitment this year to get in the best shape of my life (with the help of an incredible coach), and this is a bit about WHY and how.

I want to fly.

And if anyone to tries to tell me that there is no point, I’m here to tell you, it’s my point.

There Will Be Challenges Ahead

I close my eyes, and if I really try, it tastes just like a dark chocolate pudding with salted caramel…and my mouth begins to water, and I giggle…because I’m becoming so good at enjoying the simple things, and being grateful for them…AND, if anyone saw me right now, I would look absolutely ridiculous.
I’m in bed. It’s 9:30pm, and I can’t wait to sleep. This pudding is not dark chocolate pudding with salted caramel but a casein protein shake mixed with a bit of
Simply Delish pudding for consistency and extra flavor and a dash of Himalayan Pink Salt.
I’m two months in – two months in to no-alcohol, tough workouts three times per week, measuring food and timed eating, early to bed and early to wake up, and I’m feeling better and more focused than I ever have in my entire life.
I’ve nearly cracked about three times:

  1. When I had a friend over for dinner, and he brought a beautiful bottle of French wine. I live in Paris, where wine and French wine (clearly) flow abundantly. This is partly what got me slightly chubby in the first place – I’ve been enjoying my very French life quite a bit these last two years. I had to break the news to him that I wasn’t drinking. He understood completely, but when I watched him open that bottle and pour it into my nice, favorite wine tumbler – it nearly became too much. Two reasons – 1. because I am so based in connection that sharing a bottle of wine is something that “feels” like one of the most common shared connections, and I wanted that. And, 2. because I LOVE WINE.
    I resisted.
    I remembered my WHY.
  2. On my way back from London on the Eurostar. I had been upgraded to Business Class, there was snow outside, a person on the tracks, delays from trains in front of us, and we had been stuck on the tracks for four hours. They were offering FREE WINE. I’ve always been a sucker for wine on train travel. I actually ordered it, and sat with it in front of me for two hours. I sniffed it, and at the end, they threw away the entire mini bottle.
    I felt bad.
    I thought about my WHY.
  3. I acted in a play in January that we had been rehearsing for months, my mother was in town, and it was a success. The closing night party, everyone brought cakes, wine, champagne and snacks to celebrate our accomplishment. They handed me a glass of champagne to toast while the director gave a rousing, beautiful, emotional speech. I felt like I was being left out. I quickly realized I wasn’t.
    Drinking or not drinking – in many ways, I was more of a part of it through just being present.
    I reflected on my WHY.

I’ve Tried Before And Failed…Or, At Least, I’ve Cheated

Perhaps “failed” is a harsh word, but I’ve certainly not adhered 100% to protocols.
I’ve cheated.
Actually, my entire life I’ve thought nothing of cheating on many things. I rationalized – life is too short; what’s the point in sacrificing ALL the time; I look damn good already so no reason to continue fully on this health ‘kick’, or when I was in school – no one will know if I look at their test.
I’ve often wondered, why – right at the moment when I’m truly about to succeed or truly about to follow through on something that’s been challenging – do I back down and give it half of my heart? My sister said to me that it was all ego getting in there – consoling me to keep me in the exact same place I’ve been my entire life. (And, she’s a wise woman.)
The thing is, ego and mind don’t like change…not true change. They don’t see the point. They won’t be in control any longer when you ascend beyond that, and that scares the bejesus out of them. Once I got THAT, and the below – I’ve finally been able to figure this all out and am able to do more than I’ve ever done in my life.

  • Finish a novel
  • Star in a play
  • Run the Women’s Network internationally for the NYT
  • Set up a creativity workshop
  • Workout 3x/week and get in the best shape of my life

I never had my WHY set up in the right way. Yup, going back to that point.

Value-Based Vs. Ego-Based WHY

I mentioned at the end of my last blog post about how important the WHY is to doing things you love, and remembering that WHY over and over again. As one brilliant person in a woman’s fitness group I’m in put it – making the WHY value-based vs. ego-based is transformative.
For me, it’s “what feels good?” and “what doesn’t?”
As simple as that.
If I’m doing something because I think it will make me look good in front of other people, or because it’s what everyone else is doing – when I really sit with that WHY it feels terrible.
On the other hand, if I think about doing something because of the joy it brings to my heart (as cheesy as that sounds) – it sticks.
So, I’ve also learned that the WHY is so important when doing things that are challenging. Or something that perhaps you don’t love as much but you know is right for you.
For example, I’ve made a commitment this year to get in the best shape of my life. I bought a package from Michelle Burleson over at No Fail Physique Transformation for Women (not a pitch, just a fact – but I do recommend it! She is amazing.).
This is not for “the faint-hearted” as she so tenderly writes in her book, and those words are true.

I Made Getting in Shape About Men

Punch Face
I’m just going to admit it right here – as much as I didn’t want to admit this, as much as I resisted, as much as I’m a huge feminist – when it came down to it, I wanted to look good for my man.
And, I felt tremendous pressure to do so. Granted, I still don’t think that this is a terrible reason to do something but, at the end of the day, if the man goes, it’s not my reason. Therefore, it doesn’t stick, thus contradicting the sentence and making it a terrible reason.
Wanting to look good for someone; wanting someone else to be proud to walk in a room with me; wanting to please someone else – NOT GOOD ENOUGH REASONS.
But even just yesterday, I got a message from a guy saying – “I really like you as a redhead.” Before, I would have taken this as a compliment – but it’s not. I didn’t ask him. My hair right now is brunette, so why the hell would I care if he liked me as something I no longer am?! Also, I don’t know you. Also, stop inserting your opinions in my head.
So often, these words are said in such nonchalant ways, not meaning ill but also somewhat expecting us to actually listen to opinionated nonsense on our beings.
And, I digress.
So, the reasoning would never have stuck.
It seems so freaking simple from here – of course, it’s all about our own choices, but back then – as much as I tried to make it seem like it was for other reasons, it wasn’t.
So, now my “why” is all about me.

Alright, Let’s Get Personal: My Why

So, why the hell do I want to put myself through three to six months of no alcohol, working out, meal planning and strict measuring?
This time, I want to see where my body can go for myself.

1st Why: I want to see where my body can take me.

If I am only on this planet once (I doubt it, but let’s go with it), then why not see how fit and in shape I can get? I want to push my body to its highest.

2nd Why: Ambition with a clean and clear mind.

I’ve always wondered what I could do if there was no alcohol involved. Just like I was wondering if romantic love has always been a distraction, I’ve always wondered what would happen if day after day I woke up without a hangover, with energy and sobriety.

3rd Why: I want to raise my vibrations.

Things are going well for me right now. Work is going well. My side projects are going well. But I want to raise my vibration even higher. I have so many things I want to do in this life and I feel the only way I can truly go at it with my highest self is for my body to reflect my heart.
I want to continue.
I don’t want to settle.

I want to fly.

And if anyone to tries to tell me that there is no point, I’m here to tell you, it’s my point.

Now that I have these down, any temptation to cheat, not follow through, is gone. I remember, and I continue.